Interview for The Beatles Monthly Book

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In this new series FREDERICK JAMES lets his tape recorder listen in on informal conversations between John, Paul, George and Ringo. This Month: PAUL AND RINGO

PAUL: Right, Starkey! It is my duty to warn you that anything you say may be taken down on tape and used in print against you.

RINGO: I didn’t do it ossifer, honest I didn’t. In any case I thought they’d done away with corporal punishment.

PAUL: Well?

RINGO: I was a corporal in the cavalry but someone gave me a tip and I changed to the guards!

PAUL: It’s capital punishment they’ve done away with.

RINGO: London’s the capital, isn’t it?

Paul: True.

RINGO (sings): Maybe it’s because I’m a Londoner…

PAUL: You have been listening to Mike and Bernie Summers in another edition of “Beyond Our Fringe”.

RINGO: What did Cilla Black say to The Righteous Brothers?

PAUL: I don’t know. What did Cilla Black say to The Righteous Brothers?

RINGO: “Don’t move! I’ve got you covered!”

PAUL: What did the manager say to the beat group?

RINGO: I’ll buy it.

PAUL: “Don’t move! I’ve got you discovered!” What did Jimmy Savile say to the Rolls-Royce salesman?

RINGO: I’ll buy . . . Hey—you nearly caught me there!

PAUL: Enough of this carefully rehearsed ad-libbing!

RINGO: I have a letter here.

PAUL: Yes, yes!

RINGO: No, seriously. It’s a letter from a girl who asks if we prefer making films to doing concerts.

PAUL: A very fine question and a very fine topic for conversation. Now then . . . what’s her name?

RINGO: Barbara.

PAUL: Now then, Barbara, if you were lying about in London on a perishing cold February day and some bloke said “Hey! Let’s fly off to the Bahamas to make a film”, how do you think you’d feel about it?

RINGO: But what about the snow bit in the Alps?

PAUL: As long as you wear enough warm gear you can get by in the snow. Ask John. He sat in enough of the stuff at St. Moritz last month!

RINGO: So naturally it’s more interesting to film in places like Nassau and Austria than it would be in an ordinary film studio. But that isn’t what this bird Barbara was asking.

PAUL: Well I like doing films for a change but the waiting around while they change cameras and all that gets boring. With a film you’ve got to wait months before you see how the whole thing has turned out. With a concert you get reaction from an audience right away.

RINGO: What about the rushes? Every day when there’s a break in filming you get a chance to see “rushes” of the scenes they shot the previous day.

PAUL: And that can be hilarious because you see all the bits of film where somebody mucked things up by laughing or forgetting some lines.

RINGO: However, to answer Barbara’s question once and for all, filming can be fun—especially if it means escaping from the winter and seeing a bit of the sun—but we love doing “live” shows.

PAUL: Agreed. (I’ll say this next bit in a pseudo-American accent especially for American readers) And we’ll be back in the U.S. of A. around the time our film comes out in August, folks, so see you around, huh!

RINGO: That didn’t sound a bit American.

PAUL: Well nobody’ll ever know that when they read it in the Book, will they?

RINGO: Go on, then. Talk about the film in an American accent.

PAUL: O.K. It’ll be finished by the middle of May and it’ll be made in colour.

RINGO: There you are! I told you they’d be able to tell. PAUL: How do you mean?

RINGO: I distinctly heard you say c-o-l-o-u-r instead of c-o-l-o-r. (To the tape recorder) Fred Tape heard it too, didn’t you, Fred.

PAUL: What about pirate broadcasting stations like Radio Caroline?

RINGO: Eh?

PAUL: I’m changing the subject. Your move.

RINGO: I have given the subject of pirate radio stations a great deal of thought. This is not a matter which can be dismissed lightly. Indeed I would like to emphasise the fact that I hold very strong opinions on the subject. Once I make up my mind I’m not easily swayed in my views and as far as pirate stations like Radio Caroline are concerned nothing can alter my present attitude. I don’t mind telling everyone how I feel on this matter. I have nothing whatever to hide.

PAUL: Hear hear!

RINGO: People who live in glass-houses shouldn’t. It might frighten the neighbours.

PAUL: What about Radio Caroline?

RINGO: Too late! I’ve changed the subject.

PAUL: And now folks, Ringo has gone into this fabulous dance routine. I just wish you could see him here. His footwork is fantastic as he moves lightly round the room, kicking the tape recorder elegantly as he goes by. Wow! this is really something. Now he’s doing the whole routine again with an American accent just for the benefit of all those Beatles Book readers across the Atlantic. There, wasn’t that truly terrific? If that doesn’t shove another hundred thousand copies onto the circulation figures I’ll eat my Johnny Dean tie clip!

RINGO: Whew! I’m exhausted. You try doing The Monkey into a tape recorder mike in two different languages!

PAUL: No thanks. I’m trying to give them up.

RINGO: Aren’t we supposed to be saying sensible things for this feature?

PAUL: Giving up different languages and Johnny Dean’s tie clip is sensible.

RINGO: For an encore let’s play back this tape and mime to the conversation!